Can You Take Criticism without Getting Defensive?
Can You Take Criticism without Getting Defensive?
By Honey B. Wackx
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During our lives there will be many times when we’re criticized, some of us a lot more than others. Since none of us is perfect there will always be some criticism in our lives. Whether at work, home, or elsewhere, it’s a fact that getting criticism is part of interacting. No one wants to hear things about themselves that seem to insult the ego and sense of self. It is easy to tighten up, lash back or shut down. The hardest thing to do is to try and listen with an open mind and not blurt out how you feel. Sometimes it’s without justification or at least no real reason for it that we can determine. Maybe the person criticizing you was just having a bad day.
Often the criticizer’s motive isn’t pure and there may be some of their own issues involved in their comments to you. Nonetheless, it can still be helpful to take from it what may be true or partially true. It’s so easy to get caught up in questioning someone else’s motive for criticizing you. The real issue however, is whether you can learn and improve your personal development from it, even if there were some of their own problems behind it.
Suppose what the person says is full insinuations and malice. It’s still possible it could give you something to think about, just the part that may be true. If what the person says is false then just ignore their statement and try to keep your composure.
When people criticize someone else it’s often a mix of personal reactions with some truth mixed in, although the truthful part could be a small part of the criticism. Try to feel or see your body language when you react. Do you tighten your stomach and feel tension in your chest? Although it might be difficult, try to relax as you listen. It is often our egos that feel wounded when we’re taking a defensive position. Everyone remembers a sharp criticism. Sometimes it turns your life around as well. Once in a while the sharp criticism we reluctantly take, that really hurts, is the one that really transforms us.
An example occurred for me when I was in my first year in college. I wasn’t doing too well in school and my counselor made the remark “you’ll never finish college”. I was shocked, but didn’t let it get me down. That remark stuck with me as I took so many extra classes in college I can’t even remember them all. Because of all the classes I took (because I liked them) when I graduated from college I had so many units I could have gotten a PHD had they been in the right subjects. School has been such a big part of my life that even in my late fifties I was still going back to college to take some for credit classes.
It might help to think of the other person, the one dishing out the criticism, as someone who can see parts of yourself you just can’t see. Just as we can’t see our back, the same is true about some of our personality traits and quirks. It can be a godsend to get criticism that helps you see yourself in a different perspective. That can lead to insights, despite what the reasoning behind it was for the person who blasted you with their criticism.
Copyright © 2007 Honey B.Wackx
Honey B. Wackx is an aspiring author and software developer. She writes many articles for herself and other website owners. One of her favorite interests is hair styling. Another is online dating. Honey B. likes to read about bird quotes.
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