Getting Beyond Feeling you’re A Victim
Getting Beyond Feeling you’re A Victim
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Half the battle of overcoming being a victim is to get out of the mindset that makes you who you are. From that viewpoint you can then look at your environment to see what contributes to your feeling that you are a victim. Do you have abusive people in your life that are overly critical, degrade you or put you down? What about the people you associate yourself with? Is there a pattern there? Are these relationships in your best interest, or do they hinder your activity in subtle ways? To change them you need to get a sense of your own willpower. That may contradict your frequent feeling of being a victim that you are used to having.
There is a lot of pain in feeling you’re a victim, but in psychology there is also mention of “secondary gains”. Secondary gains means though there are some truly undesirable situations, there is also some gain from the problem psychologically. It happens because the person gets a benefit such as getting out of certain responsibilities, receiving sympathy or getting support and phone calls all due to being a victim.
One thing that is helpful to work on is the underlying sense of, “I can’t”, “I don’t know how”, I’m scared” etc. That is the old you. However you’re not tied down by seeing yourself as a victim and the new you can do and doesn’t get defeated easily. This new you will grow and change over time and break down the unnecessary thoughts that held you hostage as if you were a victim.
What can you do with your past? That’s a pretty deep question but the general answer is we cannot change it. There may be memories of abuses suffered. It may be hard to feel compassion for people who hurt you even if on some level you know their actions were done out of their own pain, unconsciousness or ignorance. Try to think of yourself as being a survivor. That can help.
Think about your future. Learn from what’s happened in the past. Survivor is a phrase signifying strength and determination. The main focus is your own future and how to maximize it with a full life ahead of you. You want a life without you feeling you’re a victim of circumstances anymore. In the event you fall into that old frame of mind, remember that you are a survivor, which is far better than being a victim. Let that be your mantra.
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